Hate To Love Me

This was written a few months ago. The actual date of the incident will remain anonymous.

 

It was a Tuesday. I had one cancel for the middle of the day and then another for the evening and I was growing weary. It was close to the end of the month and I needed to get my shit into gear.

 

I had met her online the day before. She messaged me while I was checking my messages, and this instantly tells me she’s interested. I hadn’t been all that into her but she seemed kind of cute and due to conversations we had that afternoon, very easy:

Orleans: I don’t make girls clean
Orleans: I make’m dirty
BumSex: Lmao make me dirty
Orleans: Don’t ask for that unless you know what you’re in for
BumSex: I love surprises I’m up for anything
Orleans: I’m going to stick it in your bum
BumSex: WOOT WOOT
BumSex: Bum sex!

I don’t think I need to go further on that note. So here I am, bored, flaked on and being pushed by Rewok to go pussy hunting. So I hit up BumSex.

 

Orleans: Hey what’s up?

BumSex: Nothing

BumSex: I’m so bored

Orleans: Cool I’m coming over.

BumSex: lol

BumSex: What?

BumSex: To do what?

Orleans: To fuck you.

 

I have no filter. I can be extremely blatant at times, especially when I mean business. That being said I’m also becoming a horrible person. She proceeds to belt out various reasons why I can’t come over to fuck her. I proceed to beat said reasons down like redheaded step children.

BumSex: I’m not really in the mood tonight I’m sorry I cant do this I mean I don’t even know you and the whole time I thought you were joking I’ve only been with 2 guys and I was with one guy for 3 years and the other one I was with for 8 months you see where I’m coming from?
BumSex: and I’m seeing someone I cant do that to him
Orleans: You were ready to 5 minutes ago
BumSex: How do I know your not some freak lol
Orleans: Anyways, I’m sure he’s a really nice guy and you’d never want to do something adventurous like this with me.
BumSex: Ohh I do
Orleans: You obviously aren’t, that’s cool I can’t expect you to be THIS adventurous
BumSex: Lmao
BumSex: Challenge? Lol
Orleans: I’d hate for you to be disappointed in yourself after you miss the challenge
BumSex: Lmao
BumSex: You’re on
Orleans: Go get in the shower and let me know when you’re done.

She’s left with nothing to justify not riding me like my dick contains the cure, she leave me with directions to her abode and goes to have her shower.

 

Time is not on my side. I have about 45 minutes to get to her place, escalate slow enough as to not set off any alarms and then take care of the deed and be out of there. Her apartment is about 20 minutes away at the speed limit. I do it in about 10.

 

I’m driving down BumSex’s street and I call her up, she has a cute voice and I become excited. Up until this moment I had thought that I was going to pick her up, drive to a dark parking lot of some sort (maybe a church) and proceed to fornicate in the back seat. She informs me on the phone that I can come in and that the problem preventing me from doing so previously had been taken care of. I get really excited.

 

I pull up to the apartment, the sheer thrill of this makes me giddy like a 16 year old about to lose his virginity. Keep in mind that I teach guys how to get laid for a living; this isn’t what’s so exciting. Pulling such a power and blatant move and having it work is the stuff that legendary stories are made of. I’m not in this for the lay or for the girl; I’m now committed to having sex with this girl just for and ending to the great story behind it.

 

I walk across the street, my heart is racing in anticipation and I’ve got a huge shit eating grin smeared across my face that I know I need to get rid of. My head is screaming FUCK YEAH! My dick is screaming BOOYAH!

 

I make my way up the steps, I hear the door open. I instantly Van Damme my face so that I don’t look like a creep and I’m greeted by a smiling face. A big fat smiling face. Completed with a fat body to carry it around. Not uber heifer fat, but fat enough to make me question my motives. I give her the elevator eyes and discover the ugly ass (that I’m definitely not having bum sex with), and thunder thighs. She’s got a great set of tits… but they’re resting on her gunt which I’m not all that interested in going exploring, due to my fear of finding a rat or other small animal suffocated in a fold.

 

My excitement turns to complete disappointment and desperation. I need to think of something fast lest I be crushed by hozilla. We go into her apartment and brilliance strikes me.

 

Orleans: Oh fuck me I completely forgot. I need to make a call to my business partner. It’s kind of private so I’ll do it out in the hall.

 

I proceed to let myself into the stairwell of the apartment and just about die laughing. The situation has me completely overwhelmed and I’m presented with a few options. I call up Maverick and inform him of the situation. After he composes himself from laughing at my misery (I hate you bastard), he offers me NO insight at all. All I get from the conversation is the rekindled drive to make a crazy fucking story out of this. At this point I’m about 50/50 going to fuck this girl.

 

I, with a new confidence and drive, march back into the apartment. Slam BumSex against the wall and reach my face over her gunt to passionately kiss her. I then grab her by the hair on the back of her neck and pull her head back and bite her neck so hard it leaves a mark. I tear her clothes off and proceed to fuck the shit out of ever flap on her body leaving her battered, bruised and utterly unsatisfied. I get dressed and then look at her in the eyes and say, “I can’t believe you just let a guy do that to you. How can you live with yourself?” I gracefully leave and never talk to her ever again.

 

I wish I could tell you honestly that this happened. I wish I could have sucked my pride up and fucked that fatty until she moaned like an orca whale. I couldn’t.

 

I take another look at BumSex and decide that I’m not having sex with her. I explain to her that due to the situation with what’s going on that I can’t go through with it. She’s visibly more comfortable. I suck.

I’m sitting in the car, pissed off, disappointed and horny. I call up an old fuck buddy, she’s in class. I drive home and eat ramen noodles being 0/4 for the day. Some days you nail it on the head, sometimes you hit your thumb.

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