This happened a couple months ago and haven’t been able to write about it up until now.
Cowboy calls me up at 11:30PM. “My girl called me to tell me her soro’s going to this bar in Hull tonight. You down?”
I had been planning on staying in, catching up on some writing and generally taking it easy but who am I to turn down such an offer. For those who don’t know (pretty much everyone outside Ottawa) Hull is across the river in Quebec. Generally younger or French girls tend to go party in Hull because the drinking age is 18 as opposed to 19. This is why I affectionately refer to it as dirty dirty Hull.
“I’ll be there by 12, meet me outside.” And it’s set in stone. I do a quick beard trim, throw on some nectar of the gods (aka. my cologne) and change my shirt. 10 minutes later I’m in the car. Destination, Quebec.
It’s a Wednesday night so the drive is nice and easy and parking is a cinch. I pull in not really knowing what to expect. Because it’s a Wednesday night I’d expect this place to be borderline dead, but off in the distance I hear the sound of girls and music. It’s like a choir of drunken angels is singing out to me. It’s cold outside. I miss the heat of mid-summer already.
I wait in the courtyard for Cowboy. He’s late but assures me he’ll be there really quickly.
Cowboy’s an old college friend of mine. He knew me way back in my way below chode days. We go out a couple nights a week now, he’s recently single and has become like a new partner in crime for me. He’s a natural but knows what I do and tells me all the time how proud he is to see me doing so much better for myself. He’s got a crazy party vibe and it’s hilarious to hear him explain what he does to get the girl. It’s very textbook and I observe everything we teach in what he does but it’s very under the radar.
Cowboy arrives and we make our way inside. We do a tour around looking for his girl. It’s pretty busy tonight, I like that. Finally we find his girl and do our hellos and introductions. They’re all very French and speak only a little broken English. It looks like I’m going physical and running simple verbal game tonight. I claw in one of the friends and tell her that she’s going to have to teach me French and I’ll teach her English. I talk to the group for a little bit but it’s hard because of the language barrier. Whatever.
Cowboy and I go to the bar to grab some beers. Once again I have problems with the bartenders because I can’t speak French. Lovely. I finally get my beer and decide after all the hassles that it’s going to be my only one for the night.
One beer later and we hit the dance floor. My girl, who we’ll affectionately call BrokenEnglish, is grinding my shit like I was the last guy on the face of the planet. Cowboy had told me when we were getting beers that they were talking about me in French and that she really wants me and is pretty much good to go tonight. Excellent.
We split the rest of the night between the dance floor and the patio to cool off and chat. I find out a little about her and run a little bit of comfort but it’s mostly just playground teasing and very simple verbal game. The majority of the time her and her friends are all talking in French and I’m just standing there enjoying the vibe and being my regular alpha self. The key to this game is hardcore sexual nonverbals that I’m running. There’s definitely a lot of grinding and bedroom eyes going on.
Closing time comes around and I’m trying to work logistics. BrokenEnglish is telling me she’s leaving with the university group. Fuck fuck fuck gonna lose the pull cause I can’t fucking speak the language! This is where Cowboy pulls through. With some smooth command of the French tongue and some good work with his girl he manages to arrange it so that the four of us are going back to his place.
There’s just one technicality though… Cowboy rents a room in a mansion that has 7 other people living in it. This means there’s no place for seduction other than his room. Insert foreshadowing here.
15 minutes later we’re in Cowboys room. He has it arranged so there’s a couch, a bed and a nice big T.V. along with an assortment of other things. It’s such an awesome room I envy it for sure. Me and BrokenEnglish obviously take up post on the couch and Cowboy and his girl hit up the bed. He throws on Robin Hood: Men In Tights (great movie btw) and turns off the lights.
Now keep in mind throughout the rest of the pull that we had nothing but a small zebra print blanket covering us on the couch.
I begin the escalation. My escalation game is about as tight and as fast as it gets. It’s unreal how good it’s gotten. I start kissing my girl, I hadn’t up until this point despite the 1000000 windows of opportunity I had up until this point. I don’t kiss girls until I’m ready to lay them, it’s just part of my escalation game. I make up for the comfort kissing by doing a ton of almost kisses and really soft cheek to cheek escalation. This keeps them satisfied but still the mystery of the kiss is up in the air. Very powerful.
I’m very timid about the escalation even though I know I could be escalating a lot harder. This is because my buddy is 5 feet away with his girl making out. I do the standard escalation ramp and get her pants undone (keep in mind she still has 3… yes 3 t-shirts on). Eventually I’m just like fuck it lets go for it. Shirts come off, bra, pants panties and my clothes all come off in a flurry of awkward undressing under the tiny zebra print blanket that will need to be washed. Cowboy gets up and turns off the rest of the lights and the T.V. We have darkness!!!
“Do you want me inside you?” “Yes.” She’s soaking wet and ready to go. I reach around for my wallet and in another awkward move I manage to get the condom out and on. Full stroke, and sex begins.
Cowboy and his girl are a couple steps behind but quickly catch up.
I’ll save you guys some intimate details and get to the funny parts.
- Every now and then we have to pull the blanket up to cover up the lower half of us so that we’re not totally mooning Cowboy and his girl.
- Ass slapping commences complete with fits of laughter afterwards.
- The bed and couch are both squeaking and both girls are moaning. It’s like a symphony of love making.
- Changing positions while staying covered up is extremely difficult.
- Trying to give each other a view of the others girl is like an Olympic sport.
- My girl came before his. I win.
The funniest part about all of this? Cowboy had turned off the T.V. and lights but forgot the DVD player and sound system. So the entire time this was going down Robin Hood: Men In Tights was playing over the stereo. This caused extreme bouts of laughter especially when my girl was on top of me dancing to “Weee’rrreee men… we’re men in tights!”
After it’s all said and done me and Cowboy hit up the kitchen for a late night feast and debrief where we’re laughing our asses off telling our perspectives of what went down. After that I got my girls number and brought her home. I ended up getting home at around 5AM and slept like a baby. The total time from initial meet to sex, about 2.5-3 hours.
Follow up to the Tandem Lay. This happened the night after.
After hitting a couple other good venues we’re still looking for that perfect spot for the rest of the night. Cowboy and I are on the prowl again.
We finally end up at a sweet Irish bar that we like to drink at. In the back there’s a band of 2 guys with guitar’s and a bunch of girls. This is our kind of scene.
We grab a pitch and grab the table right next to the guitar guys. We do a quick cheers with the guy singing and request the best song in the universe; “Home for a Rest”. If you guys don’t know this song you NEED to. It’s the best drinking song ever and I have never met a group of people who don’t fling into song and dance when you start this as a sing-along.
Surprisingly enough, they know the song and they say they’ll oblige my request. Fuckin’ rights. They’re saving it for the end though as it’s a good song to go off on. Respectable, I can appreciate good timing for a song as splendid as this.
Cowboy and I grab our seats and not even halfway through my first pint this cute blonde runs over, tells me I’m hot and pulls me up to go dance to the festive acoustic music with her friends. I figure why not, so I go up and work it a little bit. This cute black girl is trying to steal my attention so now I have the two fighting over me on the dance floor. I don’t know if they’re friends or whatever but I just go with the flow. For the next half hour it consists of me drinking my beer and working these two girls against each other.
Once again, very little verbal game involved, just hardcore sexual vibing lots of dominance and… the absolute deal sealer…
The band guy told me he liked my hat. I agreed and that it was awesome. I inform him that if he lets me sing the intro to “Home for a Rest” I’ll let him wear the hat while playing the song. It’s a deal.
I get up there and belt out an intro that even Great Big Sea would be proud of. Panties around the room proceed to melt.
I join the rest of the dance floor with Cowboy to get my jig on to the rest of the song and I decide I’ll go with the black girl. I’ve never had one before, why not.
I dance with her, run some sexual stuff. She tells me she’d love to take me home. I tell her I’d love that. I also tell her I have to drive Cowboy back to his car. She’s cool with this.
So half an hour later I finally figure out how to get to her place and we arrive. Go inside, escalation, closed the deal. She passes out, I leave her a little note and I take off. No contact information or names are exchanged.
I get back to my car and realize it’s really chilly out. I look in my back seat for my leather jacket and… fuck. I call up Cowboy and he tells me I DID have my jacket with me when we left the Irish bar. This means… I left it back in her apartment. There is no way I’m leaving that jacket.
After a ceremonial swearing session I go to the front door of the apartment building and try to figure out how to get the door open. Finally I pull on it and apparently it was open the whole time. I remember she’s on the 14th floor so I make my way up there and back to her apartment door. I left it open (how was I supposed to lock it) so I snuck back inside, grabbed my jacket with a victory grin on my face, made sure she was still asleep and that my note was still on her computer monitor and then I left… again.
Back to back lays. Awesome week.
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