Hate To Love Me

I’m not sure what I was expecting from a 3 day workshop aimed at helping men to seduce women, but I wasn’t prepared for the warm atmosphere I encountered. This certainly wasn’t Magnolia’s “Seduce and Destroy”. In fact, the atmosphere was very welcoming and friendly, and after 3 days I felt like I’d bonded with both the guys and the instructors.

I was very impressed with the instructors, Vin and Orleans. Vin is clearly a big draw, and I’m glad I got time to talk with him, but I must say that I feel very fortunate to have had Orleans co-leading the workshop. He has a rare ability to make people laugh and feel comfortable, and he spreads a very positive energy. I consider this to be a rare and important trait, and one that I think is probably particularly useful when helping people improve their social skills.

Vin and Orleans articulated what I considered a complex and carefully thought-out system. Importantly, it was clear that a larger unifying theory or philosophy informed each smaller step that the instructors lead people through. The drills would build on skills learned in earlier drills, both in each section, as well as across each day – often we would revisit an earlier lesson which was made more complex by the addition of one of the other themes. With continued practice, it is likely that people will start to internalize the major themes of Vin’s perspective, and will start to act them out naturally and creatively.

Clearly, the move Vin and company have made towards doing drills is an intelligent one. People retain very little of the factual knowledge they learn each day, and a long seminar, although useful, can only do so much. The last thing you want someone doing during social interactions is spending time running through factual knowledge trying to figure out how to behave. Vin’s drill system focuses on getting the information ingrained in the procedural memory so that it happens without thinking and attention can be focused in the moment on the interaction partner – like a musician who knows the notes so well that he can focus on connecting with the audience. This makes a lot of sense – one of the requirements to “get in the zone” is acting without consciously telling yourself what to do.

I think it probably isn’t appreciated how difficult it is to make real changes in something as complex, subtle, and context-dependent as social skills or social intelligence. That said, Vin has done quite a job on taking on that challenge and trying to make a deeper impact in the relatively short span of 3 days. The work was tough – this is 3 days of intensive, challenging material. I found myself pretty wiped each evening just from concentrating for so long. Seriously, they are working you hard while you’re there.

A 3-day workshop is clearly not going to change someone’s internal workings, even a workshop as intensive and gracefully structured as this. However, it will point someone in the right direction, and Vin delivers the drills in a format that allows for repeated practice till the behaviors and thinking patterns become habitual. All in all, a very interesting and enjoyable experience, and I wish the best for everyone involved.