Hate To Love Me

I flew into Edmonton on Friday. I like it here.

The economy is absolutely going insane. Houses are popping up on the outskirts of the city like dandilions. House prices are going insane and wages are high. I’m glad to see my home town prospering but I fear that it doesn’t have the infrastructure to maintain this insanity. I give it 5 years before the foundations crumble and the economy crashes.

I had a golf tournament Saturday morning. Getting up at 6AM was brutal and the weather was shitty. I really shouldn’t have worn shorts. Texas scramble tournaments can be fun but frustrating at the same time. The team has to use 4 drives from each person so this equated to me powering the ball down the middle of the fairway and then having to move back about 50-100 yards because the two guys we were with kept duffing their drives. It’s like a bad wing who fucks up a good set. We ended up with an alright score and some great shots to remember, good times were had by all.

Saturday night I went out with Fresno Smooth. It’s been a long time since I’ve been going out without crutches like the limo and Porsches. It’s refreshing and exciting. That being said lastnight was just a warmup night to get familiar with the layout of Whyte Ave. and all the bars and scene. It ended up being a total fucking gong show. I’ll save you guys the pregame and just give you the highlight as described by Fresno Smooth that I’ve editted for clarity and grammar.

We get into a set pretty quick and it turns out to be one of the last of the night. I dunno what he was doing but I was doing the wing thing and keeping this girl E___ busy while Orleans worked his magic.

E___ went for a smoke I opened this other girl. She was really cute brunette I’d say about 19-20, A______ or something or other and she works at this restaurant really close to me we will see.Â

About this time he’s already tongued this girl and this other girl comes over. She was pretty statuesque, tall, big tits, long legs, brunette, a real fuckin Amazon. She opens the girl Orleans is with.

Brunette - Is this your boyfriend?
Target Girl - Not yet!
Brunette - We should have a three some tonight.
Brunette to Orleans - Hey I’m so and so, EDMONTONS PREMIER TRANSEXUAL

OH FUCK IM STILL LAUGHING

Hahahah she was tellin him he was cute and that she wanted to suck his dick and have a threesome with him and Orlean’s target oh fuck man it was the funniest. I didn’t hear all of the dialogue but I ended up seeing her friends tits, she just got surgery cause she still had bandages underneath. And then Orleans got a double fistful when he had a hand on each girls tits.

To clarify. The tranny walked up to me while I was at the bar with Fresno Smooth. In her deep tranny voice she asks me to come with her for a minute. In my drunken stupor I agree to it. She walks me over to her friend and the following conversation takes place.

Brunette Tranny - “Feel my friends tits.”
Orleans - “Uh… ok.” *Squeeze squeeze*
Brunette Tranny - “Mine too.”
Orleans - “Um… k.” *Squeeze squeeze*

So I’ve got one hand on each of these trannies tits. The blonde one calls me a pervert and pretends to slap me but she was digging it. I’m like “Ok cool.” and then walk away back to Fresno Smooth who is doubled over laughing his ass off. I can’t imagine what the scene looked like to everyone in the bar but looking back it’s playing like something you’d see on Seinfeld.

I’m not sure if the blond was a tranny too, I don’t think so but who knows.

p.s. Orleans wont tell me what fake tits feel like.

We moved up stairs and met the girls and I build a bit o comfort with E___ while Orleans thumbwrestled his girl, he got a number I didn’t.

Another funny moment came when we were waiting out front and he goes “fuck it lets go.”

????

Whatever man they weren’t THAT hot, so we left and got some pizza

Ahhahah we will see if she calls him… S____, not the tranny!

Love

-Fresno Smooth, and Orleans the Tranny Magnet

So yeah, that was how our night went in a nutshell. Welcome to Edmonton. I’m gonna enjoy my stay, hah!

Posted by Orleans on June 17, 2007 at 11:40 pm in Uncategorized

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